My name is Margret, mother of 4 children and 6 grandchildren. I will quickly take you through the important experiences of my life.

 

At a very young age, I was sexually abused for years by my stepfather. After I reported this at the age of 14, things didn't go well for a long time. I became an unruly teenager and was removed from home. I eventually found my peace there, but was sent back home where things quickly went wrong again. I met a boy when I was 15 and at 16 I was pregnant. Because things weren't going well at home, I went to live with my boyfriend and my eldest daughter was born when I was 17. I was a proud mother and thought I was happy, but the feeling of not being enough remained. I missed love and still felt very unhappy. I also slowly developed an eating disorder and started to suffer from suicidal thoughts.  

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I left my boyfriend and thought I would be happy with someone else, this relationship was quite toxic and certainly not good for my self-esteem. The eating disorder got worse and after less than two years this relationship also ended. I felt that I had to work on myself and started looking for help for my eating disorder and suicidal thoughts. After an intense treatment I became stronger and felt better, life felt good again. I got into a new relationship, happily married and had three more children. This relationship lasted a total of 17 years, but I eventually got divorced.

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This was followed by a year of harassment and stalking by my ex-husband, who was unable to accept the end of our marriage, and who ultimately left me on the street with 5 stab wounds. Recovering from this was difficult and was accompanied by many ups and downs, but it has nevertheless brought me a lot. I have come to accept that what I experienced in my youth was not my fault; They called it emotional neglect. 

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Now I'm doing pretty well. I have moved and have a new partner, but the past has left its mark. I will always look over my shoulders and live in fear. Not being able to just be a mother or grandmother is difficult, but also part of the recovery process. I look back on my life without hate feelings and wish everyone their peace, but recovery also involves accepting your vulnerabilities. I have done that. I am proud of who I am, I move on with my life, but I cannot forgive or forget.

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